I am my own worst enemy! Until today!

What an emotional day. So I got up , had delightful conversations with my girls, Randy, friends, etc. Been planning on running with one of my girlfriends Kristie. So she of course has already ran the New York marathon and well can just pretty much kick my butt into meeting my goal . So went to her house and she basically walked me to the street and off we went. Before today I would run by myself and just fight with all the mental demons possible. So frustrated with the fact that I would just stop and not push myself. WHY? My legs hurt, or hip glitches, or too hot, whatever the case maybe I would just stop. Walk a couple of minutes and then go again. I of course am my own worst enemy. Well Kristie, being the sweetest angel ever invites me to run just "three miles". Are you kidding , I can go three but continuous running, will see . Put me in the pool and I am on it, two miles I have marked just Wednesday. So I show up, she says hi and we hit the pavement. Casual chit chat as we run, I glimpse and dread the hills,keep moving hit dirt road, more pavement , and more upward hills. Jesus I am going to die! Well thirty minutes later, yes thirty, I am back at her driveway. I made my first goal, so happy. I am so glad I got to share it with Kristie. I definitely owe her one. Everything I have worked for led me to this point. Such a high , I have never felt before, now of course what did I do after that.... shopping. Took my happy butt to Macy's and spent money on me and on Randy. Now I am not the only one on the path. Randy during these last few months has found his own path, and well thirty pounds lost, he is joining me in my journey. That of course is a whole another story, with hopefully a happy ending. So for now , my first 5k race in September is upon me,as well as a tri. Im only swimming for my team, I have not made there yet, but I sure as hell am on my way. Stay tuned!

What in the @#$% am I thinking!

Well here goes! You know I have written in a couple of journals and such, but never wanted to blog. It wasn't until today that it really just hit me that I needed to get this experience down. Maybe it will make it seem more real, or knowing that folks are reading my life stories and wanted to hear more. Unfortunately I have always cared what some folks think of me. Well this time, I am going to use that for positive reinforcement. This year has not exactly turned out like I planned. People close to me, and even living in this small minded town, folks know too much about me (or at least they think they do). Don't get me wrong, I grew up here and I chose to move back and raise my children here, but lets face it, small town...big mouths!..So anyhoo, my girls and I have had life changing experiences this year. We have been rearranging our lives to accommodate my husband and I separation, and that in itself has been very painful. But... six months later, on the road to possible reconciliation. All on that later. There is a point to all this senseless blogging. For starters when My husband and I separated I needed something new. I did not want to fall in a hopeless and desolate depression (which I tip toed on many times), so first, needed my GIRLFRIENDS! Of course a great group of girls can just about get any woman out of her funk. Throughout my life , friends have come and gone, but when you really need your friends in the worst times of your life, the real ones have always been there. My girls know who they are. I needed some just to tell how it is and others..well just pour me some drinks and dance with me. But their were some that just said, come walk with me. Walk a few miles and you will feel better. From there (and knowing the right people ) I wanted to fall back into the old me. Things that I was great at but had not done them in YEARS! Well to keep it short , swimming. I just wanted to be in a pool again, swimming back and forth and just be in water. Free and not hearing anyone but the thoughts in my head. When I was introduced back into the pool, it was like finding faith again. The four "ly's". spiritually,emotionally, mentally and physically. I have self medicated in life, I admit, went to bogus Dr.s and took meds that made me numb and emotionless and ignored what is really important. I was so tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. So here goes, on the road to my manic, possibly bipolar (docs really tried on that one)mis adventures to finding peace and happiness, however I may get it. Once I started swimming again, i was immediately addicted. I needed more, could it be competitions or what? So I got together with some of my girlfriends and decided we needed to do a triathlon. Break it up, I swim, Jen bikes and Ash runs. Set for Calloway Gardens...we did it and came out on top. It was a sprint, I swam in about 8 1/2 mins halfway around the lake (qt. mile I think cant remember).. and the girls did the rest. Well all in all we won! So of course I am inspired now right?! Well getting together with Ashley, I decided running is next.. I hate it!!!!!!!!! I want to just go go go , but cant. The mental and physical endurance just gets to me. Put me in a pool and I'll go two miles. But running is sooo hard to me, but I am not giving up. So this is where it all begins. On my road to my first Triathlon. All by myself, not a relay. Can I do it, we will see. I really hope so. There will be stories,pics and probably some tears, anything to get me where I need to go. Who knows what will happen, I'm a thirty six year old woman who just said "I want to be a Triathlete!" If you are going to follow along, understand I'm not the greatest writer in the world , I just think this way will keep me focused and going. Please any comments, support, advice ...even constructive criticism is welcomed. Well onward and lets see what happens, hopefully I wont drown.